Because there is never a dull moment in the lurid story of Anna Nicole Smith.

First, Zsa Zsa Gabor’s famewhore husband hied himself off to a DNA test, ordered at, well, ordered at no one’s request except maybe for the voices in his head. Apparently he wants to have his DNA at the ready in case no one else is positively identified as the father of Dannielynn Hope. Or, it’s quite possible that he just hadn’t had his mug on TMZ in a while.

In other ANS news, Star and the National Enquirer have joined forces to SOLVE THE ANS CAUSE OF DEATH MYSTERY! The official results won’t be released until Monday morning, but their Scooby sleuthing has discovered that ANS died of an overdose of sleeping medication. However, if she hadn’t OD’d, she’d have died of blood poisoning from an infection she got from an unclean needle. Lest you think that she was shooting up or something, according to the article, it was a shot in the butt which had actually formed abscesses, but no one thought to, you know, have her see a doctor.

We’ll have to see what happens on Monday to see how close these two came to solving the mystery, but I’m betting that someone’s going to pull the mask off Howard K. Stern to reveal he’s actually J. Howard Marshall, who’ll respond with “You pesky kids!”