Shoot… I go off for a quick camping trip and all hell breaks loose in Hollyweird! (And yes, I camp. It’s helpful to clear one’s mind of things like Paris Hilton’s McBoobJob and wondering who the HELL takes care of Britney’s kids.)
So, let’s run through a quick catch-up, shall we? For starters, we apparently will never see a sex tape with Lauren Conrad and Jason Wahler. Vivid says it was too vanilla, and SugarDVD says they won’t release a tape from someone who made racist comments, but maybe there just wasn’t a tape to release.
Then, of course, we have the celebrities playing high school on MySpace. Shanna Moakler must have had a bad episode of PMS. Deciding that she wasn’t getting enough attention now that she’s back with hubby Travis Barker, she posted the alleged phone numbers and email addresses for Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan on her MySpace. Paris used her rep to comment, but Lindsay’s ex-boyfriend Harry Morton took it upon himself to ride in like a White Knight. Or, you know, a pathetic loser who retaliates with his own MySpace diatribe. Seriously. I thought this stuff was just for 15-year-olds.
What else? Courtney Love rambles incoherently on her blog about how she lost weight the healthy way (which apparently is why, even skinny, she looks like shit on a stick). Someone should point out that when her mom said she should pay attention in English and take that typing class for something to fall back on? She wasn’t kidding.
Amy Winehouse got engaged and then apparently opened the door to the mailman wearing a bloody bra and no top…
And lastly, someone got their 80s in my 21st century. Someone at MSN TV decided it would be a good idea to let two washed-up and formerly drug addicted stars (Corey Feldman and Corey Haim) answer an online advice column. Again, I can’t make this stuff up.