Oh Britney! It’s been far too long since your last public freak-out. With Lindsay in rehab and Paris freshly rehabilitated by our country’s fine penal system, it’s been boring.

But I can see one of your public displays of insanity coming from a mile away. First, there was the bizarro serving of your mother with an alleged poem and letter from your lawyer demanding that granny stay away from your kids. Honey, I don’t think she’s perfect (after all, her parenting resulted in YOU) but I think when you claimed she had a problem with the pills, you were confusing LYNN with BRITNEY.

Now there’s your wackadoo postings on your web site. Letting what’s left of your fan base name your album? Mocking Linsday Lohan as an album title? and the latest… claiming that the infamous umbrella (ella, ella…why can’t I get that song out of my head?) incident was you preparing for a roll [sic]* you didn’t get? Sweetie, I had better explanations for shit back when I was in high school.

Here’s my suggestion: hire whoever Paris has sending “use a designated driver” missives via her MySpace. And then have them take away your web access. Then try some electroshock therapy. I hear it does wonders for the crazy.

* They fixed her spelling in between me writing and grabbing the image. Trust me… it said roll.