Oh Britney! It’s been far too long since your last public freak-out. With Lindsay in rehab and Paris freshly rehabilitated by our country’s fine penal system, it’s been boring.
But I can see one of your public displays of insanity coming from a mile away. First, there was the bizarro serving of your mother with an alleged poem and letter from your lawyer demanding that granny stay away from your kids. Honey, I don’t think she’s perfect (after all, her parenting resulted in YOU) but I think when you claimed she had a problem with the pills, you were confusing LYNN with BRITNEY.
Now there’s your wackadoo postings on your web site. Letting what’s left of your fan base name your album? Mocking Linsday Lohan as an album title? and the latest… claiming that the infamous umbrella (ella, ella…why can’t I get that song out of my head?) incident was you preparing for a roll [sic]* you didn’t get? Sweetie, I had better explanations for shit back when I was in high school.
Here’s my suggestion: hire whoever Paris has sending “use a designated driver” missives via her MySpace. And then have them take away your web access. Then try some electroshock therapy. I hear it does wonders for the crazy.
* They fixed her spelling in between me writing and grabbing the image. Trust me… it said roll.
Pete Doherty never fails to disappoint. While we may have a bargain-basement version of a judge annoyance in Paris Hilton, Pete has made a career out of annoying judges, ignoring terms of probation, and just about anything else he thought he could get away with.
In today’s UK courtroom festivities, good old Pete didn’t disappoint. He showed up so late for his hearing that the judge called his lawyer into court TWICE to explain why his client wasn’t showing up, and finally issued a warrant for his arrest without bail right before Pete wandered in.
My guess is that he wanted to alter his state a little bit before having to face the big scary judge. He evidently decided at that point he was best off just pleading guilty, which he did… guilty of possession of crack, heroin, pot, and ketamine, as well as driving while being Pete Doherty under the influence.
The judge pointed out that him driving a car is pretty much the same as letting a crazy person with a rocket launcher out on the streets, but deferred sentencing until August providing Doherty enter a treatment program by July 16.
Judge? We’ve seen this before. Send his sorry ass to jail. He is NEVER going to clean up. Sheesh. Even Robert Downey, Jr. managed to get straight. There is NO hope for this guy.
I’d forgotten a news item I’d seen over the weekend, which explains the WHOLE thing.
It turns out that the producers of the “hit” (and I use that term lightly because, really, is anyone still watching?) show The Bachelor had to axe a bunch of potential hotties for the next season because they tested positive for herpes and other STDs.
Apparently all the hot people are now having the herpes, forcing them to have sex only with other, similarly infected hotties or, possibly, utter skeevos like Pete Doherty.
I’m also going to apply this theory to Paris Hilton banging the Fat Jack Osbourne.
I skipped Paris Hilton’s interview last night with Larry King, mainly because I am so damn bored of her I could scream and I was otherwise occupied listening to my new Kelly Clarkson and White Stripes albums to bother getting up and turning on the TV.
Good thing too, or I’d have likely peed myself laughing when she told Larry THREE TIMES that no, she hasn’t done drugs when asked. Of course, that just means she’s stupid (from the drugs??) because WE’VE ALL SEEN PICTURES AND VIDEOS YOU STUPID WHORE.
TSG was kind enough to provide various video excerpts, in case anyone was still confused.
I’m looking at Maria Menounos’ dress. . . and it looks ok. She’s got that super-cute, extra-perky look that annoys the hell out of those of us (including me) who don’t look like that. She’s basically the antithesis of buttaface, and I’d love to dig her style. But I’m staring at that corset-belt thing and even those weird dress straps look good in comparison. Plus, I think it’s on backwards.
As it turns out, the folks who are running the ParisExposed.com site aren’t the swiftest folks according to The Smoking Gun. As it turns out, they had an entire page of the site’s subscribers up on a non-secured page, possibly exposing the names, personal information, and credit card information of over 750 people who shelled out the $20 for a one-month pass.
Apparently, one of the subscribers has a famous dad, but TSG blurred out all 6 pages of the subscribers. After they were alerted, the web site took the information down, but no word if anyone’s credit cards have been used for nefarious purposes.
I was trying for a Paris-free day. Really, I was. I didn’t really care if she was afraid of taking a piss and someone taking a picture (which is downright laughable since I don’t think I know ANYONE who hasn’t seen AT LEAST as much as her gynecologist) or what the hell she’s eating in prison.
Then I find an absolutely HYSTERICAL video for Paris In Jail done by OMovies.com and I just had to post. You’ve gotta give credit to anyone who can make Paris’ awful album sound good even as a parody. And rhyming something with chihuahua? GENIUS.
It’s a rare day when I find something Perez Hilton said worthy of linkage, but dayum, today he hit it.
Check out this guy from Britain’s Got Talent. He’s got a little bit of a less-creepy Scott Savol about him. He apparently sells cellular phones for a living. You are totally waiting for Simon Cowell to start busting on him. And then he opens his mouth and this UTTERLY AMAZING voice comes out.
Yeah, I know. It’s opera. And if there’s one universal truth in Pretty Woman, it’s that people either love opera or hate it. But watch this guy and tell me you aren’t totally and completely unable to do anything else for two minutes. This guy has more talent in his little finger than the Snatch Pack has in its entirety. And he’s far more deserving of the fame.
Paul Potts. Remember the name. I think we’ll end up hearing it again.
I admit it. Days just do NOT get better than today. I’m ordinarily not a huge paparazzi fan; while I like the gossip I don’t like the invasion of privacy of cameras.
That being said, however, I am thinking of changing my middle name to Schadenfreude. Go ahead, look it up. I’ll wait.
See, nothing makes me happier than reading about Paris. You hit me with things like a paparazzi photo of Paris sobbing in the back of a cop car? I’m going to pee myself laughing. I’m just like that. I have a real problem when I know folks who have gone to jail for DUIs without violating probation and then she sobs for a couple of days, pays an expensive shrink to talk her way out of there, and I get a little ticked.
