Yay!

Anne Heche lost primary physical custody of her poor child Homer to the ex she claims is addicted to porn, poker, and playing with himself. Apparently, the judge didn’t believe her rants, and went with the documented crazy over the alleged crazy in awarding custody.

I’m still betting that the kid would be better off being raised by wolves, but lesser of two evils, man.

… because she certainly doesn’t understand men. While she may have agreed to a public truce with her soon-to-be-ex Coley Laffoon, the court papers say otherwise. In what I can only assume is an attempt to make any judge think he’s crazy before the judge gets a load of her patented wacky self, she filed court papers this week that say HE’S the crazy one. Why?? Because he likes to watch porn and jack off to it.

Read the rest of this entry »

I knew that the whole polite divorce between Anne Heche and Coley Laffoon wasn’t to last long. And I was right.

Heche’s soon-to-be-ex is now asking for joint custody of their 5-year-old son Homer as well as $33,000 a month in spousal support. He claims that prior experience as a camp counselor and nanny make him better qualified and that Heche once put the kid in a car without a car seat (see also: Britney Spears), swears at the child (see also: Alec Baldwin), and packs him lunches he “doesn’t like.”

Um, hello? Mr. Laffoon? I know you don’t know me, but you may not be aware that the mother of your child TOLD BARBARA WALTERS SHE HAS AN ALTERNATE PERSONALITY. You might even be able to find VIDEO of that on YouTube. If not, there are SEVERAL web accounts of her barging into a stranger’s house, using their SHOWER and talking about aliens. You can probably find that online as well.

And if all else fails? Get the kid a cell phone with video. You were married to ANNE HECHE. The kid’s bound to get something better than the Baldwin phone call and The Hoff Hamburger Incident in the first five minutes he’s got the phone.

… when cheating.

Anne Heche has apparently decided that the proper amount of time before going public with the costar you are cheating on your husband with has passed. According to the Enquirer (via Celebitchy), approximately one month ago, Heche and her Men In Trees costar James Tupper decided to join the mile-high club, spending 20 minutes together in the first class bathroom on their flight.

Wait, was that before or after Ralph Fiennes banged the Qantas stewardess? Maybe she WAS original! And what idiot would get involved with Anne Heche in the first place?

Who’s surprised?
 
Anne Heche has apparently left her husband for her co-star. Is the husband surprised? He married a woman who INVADED SOMEONE’S HOME with tales of aliens and god only knows what else. Ellen Degeneres, who seems to be painfully nice to just about everyone, can’t even SPEAK of her time with Heche.
 
The only question left is what prompted this man to breed with her in the first place.