Amid tons of reports surfacing about Britney’s “comeback” mini-tour (and we do mean mini… last night’s set was a rumored 16 minutes start to finish), I Don’t Like You In That Way posted some recent pics with Britney topless covering just her nipples with flowers.

I wish I was kidding.

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Read enough news sources and suddenly the picture becomes clear.

I’ve been wondering why on earth the paparazzi knew every time Britney Spears has been taking a dance class or going shopping. Even if you consider the story of following her around to be important, it’s hard to believe that there are enough paparazzi, even in Hollyweird, to stake out every place she might go.

However, put 2 and 2 together, and sometimes it equals 4. First, the NY Daily News had a little item that claimed that Britney was alerting the paparazzi herself as to where she would be, making sure that they’d spot her in her recent skimpy dance costumes and rodeo whore look to showcase her “improved” body to her fans. Of course, her people say she’d never do that, but add to that another little piece that showed up that claimed that Britney bailed on a “surprise” comeback show, but has plans for more in the coming weeks as soon as everything is up to snuff.

I guess that would explain her incoherent ramblings to the video cameras as well as the appearance of photographs from darn near every dance class she seems to have taken. God forbid she leave the public’s eye for 30 seconds. Someone should let her know that if she really wants to get back in her fans’ good graces, she might want to ditch the hooker look and maybe appear with her kids every so often, if she even remembers where they are.

People are starting to praise Britney for shedding a new pounds and getting back on track (what track? no music, no career), but everything is so relative that it’s sad. A woman who wears a wig (firmly attached with a hat), calf-length dresses and high boots daily and doesn’t seem to mind being photographed away from the kids every day is still kinda “off” to me. I can’t wait to hear Brit’s next album to decide whether or not all this blah-blah has been worth it.

For those of you keeping score at home:

Ryan Reynolds was engaged to Alanis Morrisette. Allegedly hooked up with Jessica Biel. Spotted this past weekend with Scarlett Johansson, who was last rumored to be with Ryan Philippe (Reese Witherspoon’s soon-to-be-ex) after supposedly hooking up with Justin Timberlake, who used to date Britney Spears, then dated Cameron Diaz for years, and was rumored to have been dating Jessica Biel, who was spotted on vacation with Derek Jeter.

Shall we start another? Reese Witherspoon, divorcing Ryan Philippe, is rumored to be dating Jake Gyllenhaal, who dated Kirsten Dunst, who has been said to have been dumped by most recent boyfriend Johnny Borell, after allegedly hooking up with Fabrizio Moretti (Drew Barrymore’s ex-boyfriend), Adam Brody (Rachel Bilson’s ex-boyfriend, currently alleged to be dating Hayden Christensen), and Andy Samberg from Saturday Night Live (who’s never before been rumored to be dating anyone on my radar).

Now that we are all a bit motion sick from spinning in circles, is anyone else reminded of high school?

Even though Britney has been looking a lot better and her album has even been called “exceptional” and (dumbest quote ever) “like Toxic times 10,” that doesn’t mean that there aren’t some ripples in the pond. After going nutzo last year during her separation, she signed on with her former manager Larry Rudolph again. What’s the problem? She really hates this guy. Fox News told us more: 

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According to The Sun, Britney Spears spent hers letting her fat dissolve. According to the article, she had a procedure done in Las Vegas that injects a substance into fat and then dissolves it away.

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Does ANYONE keep a secret in Hollywood anymore?

Via Hollywood Rag, Kim Kardashian doesn’t want to hang out with Paris anymore because Paris’ sex tape sold way more copies than Kim’s is selling she doesn’t do drugs or drink and Paris does. However, her former publicist, Jonathan Jaxon claims he has photos to the contrary.

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Remember when Britney Spears was playing tennis at rehab and then snuck off into the bushes for a little bit o’ foolin’ around? It took nearly a MONTH for the guy to issue a statement through his publicist. I thought it was going to be MUCH sooner than that.

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Britney Spears is all ready to get back in the game, with the 170 pounds of dead weight known as Kevin Federline excised.

Of course, apparently, getting back in the game means getting more tattoos than a porn star and causing a near-shooting at Sunday church services, but hey, at least it’s not rehab, right?

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So remember when Britney headed BACK to the hospital to go to the dentist? Well, according to Us, it was during a visit with the Federspawn and she left them with a nanny to get her teeth whitened.

Yes, you read that right. In rehab for almost a month. Leaves children she’s DYING to get back to with a nanny. To get teeth whiter.

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