The Intarweb is all abuzz with the latest “scoop” on magician/performance artist/famewhore Criss Angel actually having a WIFE who is ANGRY that he professed his love for Cameron Diaz after his latest, um, stunt.

The woman’s name is Joanne Sarantakos, and she claims she’s been with Angel for 15 years, married for 5 of those years. And she plans to call Diaz into court as a witness in their divorce hearings.

Now, as this woman tells it, the marriage and relationship was to increase his “sex appeal” with female fans.

Honey, if a guy who looks like a leftover fan from an 80s hairband show crossed with a smack addict tells you that he has to hide you so that his fans continue to find him “sexy?” He’s just not that into you.

Based on the latest “trick,” the ridiculous protestations of public love with Diaz, and a fairly quiet recent history of the coupling from a woman who is known to make out with actors in high-profile locations, I’m betting this is just another stunt.

This tuxedo dress on Cameron is an oddly inspired piece. While a penguin suit style isn’t exactly my no. 1 choice, this dress oozes class. The belt may be a little weird, but that’s the beauty of confidence. I’m starting to think Cameron can pull off just about anything. That’s certainly coming in handy while on a promotional tour with the ex, no?

WOW! Cameron Diaz wore a brown mini and white tank top and looked completely great in New York. If you need any inspiration to get you into the gym this spring, this will be it. The only irritating thing is that she seemed soo happy with herself. (Yeah, this time I really am jealous!) Excellent combination with panache to boot, Cam.

For those of you keeping score at home:

Ryan Reynolds was engaged to Alanis Morrisette. Allegedly hooked up with Jessica Biel. Spotted this past weekend with Scarlett Johansson, who was last rumored to be with Ryan Philippe (Reese Witherspoon’s soon-to-be-ex) after supposedly hooking up with Justin Timberlake, who used to date Britney Spears, then dated Cameron Diaz for years, and was rumored to have been dating Jessica Biel, who was spotted on vacation with Derek Jeter.

Shall we start another? Reese Witherspoon, divorcing Ryan Philippe, is rumored to be dating Jake Gyllenhaal, who dated Kirsten Dunst, who has been said to have been dumped by most recent boyfriend Johnny Borell, after allegedly hooking up with Fabrizio Moretti (Drew Barrymore’s ex-boyfriend), Adam Brody (Rachel Bilson’s ex-boyfriend, currently alleged to be dating Hayden Christensen), and Andy Samberg from Saturday Night Live (who’s never before been rumored to be dating anyone on my radar).

Now that we are all a bit motion sick from spinning in circles, is anyone else reminded of high school?

Someone needs to explain to Cameron Diaz that what is sort of cute and whorish about Lindsay Lohan is pathetic when you are, say, 14 years older.

After the big break-up with boy toy Justin Timberlake, Cameron has been banging making out with any hot guy she meets. First, there was surfer Kelly Slater, who decided sex with the crazy lady wasn’t worth it they were just friends.

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People reports that fellow Hyde-goers spotted none other than Djimon Hounsou (Blood Diamond) locking lips with Cameron Diaz.

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Wasn’t Cameron Diaz just bragging about the size of Kelly Slater’s penis?

Well, according to what Slater said to People, the two are “just friends.” Would that be friends with benefits or was Diaz just a pity fuck for Slater?

That poor girl; just can’t get no respect. Maybe she could try getting to know a guy first?

Cameron Diaz received $3 million for a cell phone commercial in Japan after six hours of filming. True to Japanese style, she has a candy colored mini dress on and was surrounded by imaginary creatures. Reports Showbizspy: 
 
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Cameron Diaz must not be keeping up with the latest in celebrity gossip, or she’d know about Jessica Biel’s vacation with Derek Jeter. Instead, Page Six reports that Diaz saw Biel talking to ex-paramour Justin Timberlake talking to Biel at Prince’s Golden Globes after-party (where she’d followed him), yelled at Biel, and instigated a 40-minute “conversation” with Timberlake. In her clown make-up and frothy white gown, she must have looked like the crazy bride left at the altar. Who joined the circus. And became a stalker. Girlfriend might want to try some Prozac.