The most recent news before today’s tidbit had to do with the now-infamous hamburger video, where The Hoff’s 17-year-old daughter videotaped his drunken ass slurring all over the place and attempting to get a hamburger into his piehole (success rate approximately 1 out of 3 attempts). After the judge saw the video online, EVEN THOUGH IT WASN’T ADMITTED AS EVIDENCE, he banned The Hoff from seeing his kids until today’s hearing, where…

The Hoff got full custody of the kids!!!!

Now, I know your initial reaction is that the judge must have been hitting the pipe before court, but as it turns out, WIFEY is the crazier of the two. The person appointed by the court to check out both useless parents determined that Bach was crazier than a shithouse rat and she also refused to take a drug test. One can only assume that if you KNOW hubby is a big old drunk, you’d be GREAT if you can pass the test. Or you know, screwed if you can’t.

I’ve lost track of how many examples I have for my soon-to-be-published book: Why Celebrities Should Be Sterilized, but this one will definitely rate a chapter.