This week it’s Popbytes who has kindly read The Enquirer so I don’t have to, and this week is a DOOZY, I tell you. Skipping over Angelina’s alleged deadly disease and more blah blah-ing about Alec Baldwin’s voice mail, we have a wonderful story about how the family who grows weed together travels to Hollywood together.

Yes, apparently the Malakar family (or at least the mom) was running a happy little pot farm, with more than one location! When the cops showed up at the first place, they found Sanjaya’s sister, Shyamali, the erstwhile Hooters girl and Idol reject and a whole mess of marijuana plants. Mom, it turns out, was at another location, which is where they busted her after her daughter gave her up. Sanjaya apparently played it off like he lived with his aunt to stay near friends, but in reality, he stayed there while mom was in jail.

But still… your own daughter rats you out!

He must, because NO ONE can be that stupid. Not long after I posted yesterday’s item about his tax evasion, he settled up on the charges stemming from the civil suit. However, he apparently needs to have at LEAST two issues going on at once, because he’s been busted again. This time, he tried to bribe prison guards with a $100 bill to get him bottled water. While that may work to get a table at The Ivy, it’s not working in jail, and when the guards searched his room wondering where the money came from, they found $700 in $100s as well as THREE bottles of controlled substances. No word on what the pills were yet, but all the charges stemming from THIS incident are felony charges.Who knows? Maybe he found himself a nice Sugar Daddy in jail and wants to make sure he stays there. Or maybe he has a brother falsely accused, a la Prison Break.

There’s always more Snoop Dogg weirdness to be had, and this weekend is no exception. Snoop, currently on tour with Puffy/P. Diddy/Diddy/Sean Combs (choose one depending on your age, personal preference, and country of origin) was denied a visa by the British government, according to People.

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… however, Charlie Sheen is still supposedly clean and sober.

PageSix has confirmed that Charlie has signed on to narrate a “documentary” that details the conspiracy theory that claims that the U.S. government blew up the World Trade Center themselves.

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Snoop Dogg was arrested in Sweden for, get this… wait for it… drugs. Yeah, I know. Once I woke myself up after reading that fascinating news article, I realized that he wasn’t even DRIVING. Apparently, it’s illegal to even be under the influence of drugs in Sweden.

Why they waited to arrest him until after the concert is the real question here. I mean, if you are going to arrest Snoop Dogg for being under the influence, wouldn’t the best time to do that be, say, right when he got off the plane?

… but until then, we are stuck with idiotic stories that sound like something a stupid high-school-aged stoner would do.

According to The Sun, Kate Moss’s constant druggie companion decided that walking around the zoo smoking a joint wasn’t quite “hip” enough and tossed his roach to the penguins, who promptly ate it.

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I know, I know. It’s Hollywood. And pretty much everyone is either a Scientologist or a big old drug fiend, right?

I should understand this by now. However, I fail to understand how dealing with your younger sister’s entry into rehab makes for a good time to be smoking a blunt while sitting in traffic.

Looks like maybe that visit to the medical marijuana club wasn’t just for the greasy boyfriend.

The Sun details the daily consumption of British musician Robbie Williams in an exclusive article, and I’m still not sure what the hell he’s in rehab FOR.

He claims he can’t sleep and there are reports that his place was filled with prescription meds, but the man supposedly drinks 20 cans of Red Bull, 36 double espressos, and smokes three packs of cigarettes a day. THAT MIGHT CONTRIBUTE TO THE INSOMNA, ROBBIE! Just a tip.

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As various industrious bloggers shell out the $40 fee to view all the dirt on parisexposed.com, pictures of journal entries and various other freakish things are popping up everywhere. From Paris’ journal entries to pictures of Nicole Richie getting high, you can probably surf around enough sites to see pretty much everything there if you are so inclined. Which I’m really not.

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The Sunday Mirror reports that UK musician Pete Doherty, really most famous for his turbulent relationship with Kate Moss was arrested for stealing a car for a joyride. This was after a concert where he and his band allegedly went nuts, and he proclaimed that he and Moss will NEVER marry, contrary to reports that they married in Thailand, or have upcoming nuptials planned. According to Doherty, the couple is happy as they are. Our guess is that she would be much happier with someone ELSE. The man is 27 years old, has money, and is stilll stealing cars for a giggle?

Insert huge eye roll here, please.