I think these photos basically tell you everything you need to know about Jessica Simpson’s state of mind right now. She’s not flashing any cleavage, so something must be wrong.

Jessica Simpson is confident, but she needs more than just that to carry herself properly in this sweet little number. Is it a train that she’s holding onto or just a chunk of hanging fabric? All I see is someone who has had half their skirt ripped off by a careless passerby or an aspiring fashion designer who decided to premiere her design at Cannes. Um, VERY unsuccessfully.

Jess is starting to get back on track, and I like it. She needs to hang onto that boyfriend about as hard as those halter straps. If her breasts are unwieldy enough to warrant this kind of suspension, perhaps she should have tried something slightly less revealing. She doesn’t even look happy wearing this, so a few inches in every direction probably would have done some good.

Jessica Simpson may be trying to get things going in her life, stop being compared to her sister, and just get on with things, but I don’t want to let her do that. Not when she’s wearing trousers that look like they were ripped straight off the set of Sweeney Todd. I’m bypassing the bra look, because it’s kind of a moot point with trousers like these. Her top half looks absolutely huge next to those skinny little man pants. It’s almost like one of those flip books with mismatched body parts that create a person, but twice as scary because This Is Real.

Does Jessica really think trousers like this pair are going to help her career? Her breasts look positively pendulous here with the turtleneck–they’re almost touching her waistline. I’ve got goosebumps that someone let her leave the house wearing that. 

Despite that grave wardrobe miscalculation, Jessica’s actually working on getting herself back on top with a guest performance with the Pussycat Dolls soon. I’m really hoping she’s careful with her wardrobe, avoids the temptation to out-strumpet herself, and backs off the red lipstick for one night.

In all of the shots I saw of Jessica at Hyde last weekend, her huge mouth was wide open. Was she surprised at how horrible her hair came out, and better yet, doesn’t she cringe when she sees photos like this? It reminds me of that terrible red wig she wore last year, except this time, it’s for real. Every time I see a picture of her, she’s gotten uglier.

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All Jessica really needs to fix her semi-obscene creepage is a tailor and Fashion Tape, preferably in that order. Guys, is this side breast cleavage sexy? I’m curious. It’s looking rather untamed to me, but I think I need some input.
 
Jessica climbed on to John Mayer’s tour bus on Tuesday, which means that she can keep this kind of exposure to a minimum now, seeing that she’s going to be wearing jeans and tees for at least the next couple of days. Hopefully.

There’s something so unbelievably odd about this photo of Jessica Simpson leaving Theodore in Beverly Hills. She looks like Ashlee, but when she was the uglier sister. Her sunglasses are as ill-advised and unflattering as Britney Spears’ terrible pairs–it almost looks like Jessica’s wearing those glasses with the nose attached, groucho-style. As long as she doesn’t buy any more flannel, though, I’m still happy.

My, my… when you’ve been looking kind of like crap lately and you need to lie low, we don’t recommend you do so in this! Sorry, but it’s just embarrassing, for everybody–including your sister, who still looks kind of creepy but at least has her wardrobe under control.
 
No, Jessica, you have to slink out wearing the Mother of All Flannel Shirts. Can’t your Texan pride come without appliques?

Denials are flying even faster than the rumors these days, with three celeb camps practicing spin control.

First, you have the Britney camp claiming she was “tired” and “fell asleep” and didn’t pass out. And wasn’t drinking. Pay NO attention to the huge bottle of champagne she’s seen holding in pics on TMZ.

Then, you have Kate Moss’ camp denying that any wedding took place. Whether they are referring to any marriage at all or just a legal marriage is anyone’s guess, but deny away, Kate.

Finally, you have the Joe Simpson camp denying, um, everything. Denying that he’s bitching at Kennedy Center for not refunding styling fees and a dress that didn’t fit after Jessica’s flub-filled fiasco covering Dolly Parton’s 9 to 5 for the event. Or that he’s mad at Jessica for passing up a paid gig hosting a New Year’s Eve party somewhere to hang out and actually have fun with her on-again, off-again beau John Mayer. Or that he wants his meal ticket, er, daughter, to prop up her sagging career.

Hey Joe, could be worse. You could be Britney’s dad. Although I guess you’d at least have gotten the management fees for her passing-out on the job hosting duties, right, Daddie Dearest?