I didn’t know that Mischa Barton could photograph so well. Her recent French Elle spread, in which she was styled after old Hollywood stars, turned out to be absolutely striking. While Mischa probably had to work some magic, there was a magnificent makeup artist/stylist on board, because even the wig looks A+.

Some pics are popping up today of Mischa Barton and Nicole Richie out at the supermarket mere HOURS before Mischa’s DRAMATIC collapse.

No, seriously. Look at this picture. Nicole can’t weigh 80 pounds soaking wet. And in what world is it acceptable to go into a grocery store BAREFOOT??? Am I supposed to believe that the Safeway or whatever lets all these skanky hos around the produce with no shoes?

Do you ever wonder if Hollywood exists in a separate reality from the rest of us?

TMZ has a report that Mischa Barton was rushed to the ER, and is currently hospitalized due to “drinking alcohol while on antibiotics.” Please note those should be HUGE air quotes. A REALLY quick check online notes that it’s really an urban legend that you can’t drink alcohol when on antibiotics. Note to TMZ and dumbass publicists: it’s helpful to fact-check before running with a BS story.

Perez Hilton is carrying a different version of events that I’m buying way more easily: Barton, who has been spotted more than once smoking a big ole fattie when driving, was so wasted on ’shrooms that she thought she was dying.

Since she’s still in the hospital for an alleged reaction that doesn’t actually exist, I’m going with a score of Perez: 1, TMZ: 0. And I’m disappointed that publicists think everyone is that stupid they can’t do a simple Google search.

Also, the more I think about it? The more I’m thinking ’shrooms would explain most of her questionable fashion choices. Like the diaper.

Mischa’s wearing a giant yellow bandanna recreated into a dress! How clever. Anything’s better than her tryst with the high-waisted jeans.

I thought Mischa Barton would have learned after seeing her high-waisted paparazzi photos that these jeans are mean to any figure. After so many low-rise pairs, it’s bizarre to see that much fabric above the hips. The nine-inch long zipper and stuff, stiff denim absolutely suffocates Mischa’s woman parts! I hope she has something more flattering in those shopping bags.

Mischa can successfully pull off nearly every outfit, but that doesn’t mean that she should try. A perfect example is this little shorts getup that she wore out in London. While it doesn’t make her look bad, it’s not doing her any justice. Perhaps Misca packed a little too light for her last flight?

So is this a surprisingly fug picture of Mischa? I was surprised that her teeth aren’t as straight and white as I imagined, and she looks very thin and kind of plain. So, basically: normal. I’m a bit glad about that–it’s a weekend perk of sorts. Enjoy, my friends, enjoy.

Two of the Hollywood party elite were at it again the past few days.

First, according to Us, Mischa Barton, fresh off her “I don’t party and love Dostoevsky” interview, was out partying with Jamie-Lynn Sigler and rumored White Powder Princess Kirsten Dunst when she had to race out of NYC club The Anchor to vomit outside. At 10:30. Don’t worry, though, she wasn’t forced to cut her evening short; she just kept right on going, until at least 3 AM.

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Mischa is Not Happy here in NY. She looks like she really misses her car as she waits for a cab to get her and her adorable dog off the street.

Oh, Mischa, there’s not need to pout–you look great, and that’s what counts. What a beautiful bag and jacket. I know I make fun of her, but get her our of those shapeless shifts, and she cleans up well!

Batten down the hatches, Mischa Barton’s sister has joined the ranks of the fashion daring, and I can only imagine what that means. Disaster! 

On the other hand, I’m glad Mischa has decided to belt her dress this time. At least half of her outfits could be saved with one. If she can just keep that up, then we won’t be seeing here much anymore.