Archive for the 'Paris Hilton' Category

Happy Independence Day!!

by in Wednesday, July 4th, 2007.
Paris Hilton, DUI

4th of July

I’m going to join Paris Hilton in wishing everyone a Happy 4th of July while reminding you to use a designated driver if you are going to drink.

Am I the only person who thinks her publicist actually maintains her MySpace page? Way to work the “new” image Paris!

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Nevermind the Question About Pete Doherty…

by in Tuesday, July 3rd, 2007.
Paris Hilton, Pete Doherty, Reality, Jack Osbourne

Valtrex

… I have my answer now.

I’d forgotten a news item I’d seen over the weekend, which explains the WHOLE thing.

It turns out that the producers of the “hit” (and I use that term lightly because, really, is anyone still watching?) show The Bachelor had to axe a bunch of potential hotties for the next season because they tested positive for herpes and other STDs.

Apparently all the hot people are now having the herpes, forcing them to have sex only with other, similarly infected hotties or, possibly, utter skeevos like Pete Doherty.

I’m also going to apply this theory to Paris Hilton banging the Fat Jack Osbourne.

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I’m Sorry, Larry… What Was the Question Again?

by in Thursday, June 28th, 2007.
Drugs, Paris Hilton

This, Paris, Is a Pot Leaf. It Qualifies as a DRUG. It's not a salad.

I skipped Paris Hilton’s interview last night with Larry King, mainly because I am so damn bored of her I could scream and I was otherwise occupied listening to my new Kelly Clarkson and White Stripes albums to bother getting up and turning on the TV.

Good thing too, or I’d have likely peed myself laughing when she told Larry THREE TIMES that no, she hasn’t done drugs when asked. Of course, that just means she’s stupid (from the drugs??) because WE’VE ALL SEEN PICTURES AND VIDEOS YOU STUPID WHORE.

TSG was kind enough to provide various video excerpts, in case anyone was still confused.

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Those Who Like Seeing Stolen Things…

by in Thursday, June 14th, 2007.
Paris Hilton

Paris Hilton without her weave

… may be the ones stolen from.

As it turns out, the folks who are running the ParisExposed.com site aren’t the swiftest folks according to The Smoking Gun. As it turns out, they had an entire page of the site’s subscribers up on a non-secured page, possibly exposing the names, personal information, and credit card information of over 750 people who shelled out the $20 for a one-month pass.

Apparently, one of the subscribers has a famous dad, but TSG blurred out all 6 pages of the subscribers. After they were alerted, the web site took the information down, but no word if anyone’s credit cards have been used for nefarious purposes.

I’d say it was karma, but that might be rude.

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So I Failed

by in Monday, June 11th, 2007.
Paris Hilton

I was trying for a Paris-free day. Really, I was. I didn’t really care if she was afraid of taking a piss and someone taking a picture (which is downright laughable since I don’t think I know ANYONE who hasn’t seen AT LEAST as much as her gynecologist) or what the hell she’s eating in prison.

Then I find an absolutely HYSTERICAL video for Paris In Jail done by OMovies.com and I just had to post. You’ve gotta give credit to anyone who can make Paris’ awful album sound good even as a parody. And rhyming something with chihuahua? GENIUS.

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The All-Paris, All-the-Time Channel

by in Friday, June 8th, 2007.
Paris Hilton, Court

Paris Hilton In A Cop Car... Doo-Dah, Doo-Dah...

I admit it. Days just do NOT get better than today. I’m ordinarily not a huge paparazzi fan; while I like the gossip I don’t like the invasion of privacy of cameras.

That being said, however, I am thinking of changing my middle name to Schadenfreude. Go ahead, look it up. I’ll wait.

See, nothing makes me happier than reading about Paris. You hit me with things like a paparazzi photo of Paris sobbing in the back of a cop car? I’m going to pee myself laughing. I’m just like that. I have a real problem when I know folks who have gone to jail for DUIs without violating probation and then she sobs for a couple of days, pays an expensive shrink to talk her way out of there, and I get a little ticked.

Read the rest of this entry »

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Poor Baby… NOT!

by in Friday, June 8th, 2007.
Paris Hilton, Court

Paris Hilton Back in the Slammer

CNN reports that Paris is BACK in jail after being led from the courtroom screaming and crying for her mother.

Too damn bad.

The judge decided that Paris needed to get her ass back there, after forcing the sheriffs to go pick her up for court (after they said she could appear “by phone”) and pointed out that other people with “mental or physical” problems don’t get to go back to their 3000 SF homes with ankle bling.

My guess is that she sobbed to her shrink that she wanted to die so they sent her home. Please. They invented the term “suicide watch” for a reason for prisons. Like she’s the first person to want to off themselves in jail? Difference was she was rich enough to have a lawyer and private shrink whine for her.

I’m tired of the celebutard DUI craze. It’s about time someone actually has to walk the walk for it. Now let’s home the rest of them get to do the same thing.

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There is NO Justice Here

by in Thursday, June 7th, 2007.
Paris Hilton, Court

Paris Hilton Out of Jail

TMZ is reporting that Paris IS ALREADY DONE WITH JAIL and has been set free. That is the biggest load of crap I’ve ever seen in my life. Wow, what a punishment. Three whole days in jail. I’m SURE she’s learned her lesson now.

insert huge eye roll

The LA County Sheriff’s Office is going to have a press conference to explain exactly why she was let out after only three days.

Boo hiss.

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I Love Madame Tussauds’ Wax Museum

by in Tuesday, June 5th, 2007.
Paris Hilton

jrany1.jpg

Look! Paris is all dressed up with no place to go–for 22 more days! Madame Tussaud’s gave Paris a very appropriate costume change in NY, except that it should have been day-glo orange.

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Sarah Silverman’s Balls Are Bigger Than Cisco Adler’s

by in Monday, June 4th, 2007.
Paris Hilton, Sarah Silverman

 

parishilton_07vmas1.jpg

As all the rumors claimed, Paris Hilton did make a big entrance at the 2007 MTV Video Music Awards. 

While I’m sure she believes she has fans (aside from that crazy bitch who wants to go to jail for Paris), Sarah Silverman pretty much set that straight when she launched into a “Paris is going to jail” bit and the audience applauded like crazy.

Silverman went on to say that in order to make Paris feel more at home, they would be painting the cell bars to look like penises, but she was concerned Paris would break her teeth. Hah! Of course, the producers cut to Paris, who has apparently NEVER seen an award show in her LIFE to know that the cameras would go right to her, and she was sitting there with a petulant sneer.

She would have gotten a lot more points if she’d been laughing her ass off at the jokes. Jesus, you stupid whore, you got famous for a SEX TAPE. Laugh about it. It’s not like you need to prepare an Oscar acceptance speech any time in your lifetime.

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