Reports abound that Paula Abdul fell over the weekend and broke her nose, which should, in all likelihood, result in her sporting an adorable pair of panda eyes for tomorrow night’s American Idol Finale Part One.

Of course, her reps claim that she was trying to avoid stepping on her chihuahua, but even when falling, don’t most sober folks attempt to break their fall with, you know, their hands? Instead of letting their face smash into the floor?

Just a thought but maybe both Paula and the dog were hitting the tequila a little harder than they thought, which resulted in the owner hitting the floor and the dog probably hitting the camcorder’s record button so that she can later sell her story on Extra, titled My Life as the Rat-Pet of the World’s Drunkest Alien.

Paula Abdul gave an interview to Entertainment Weekly in which she “pretended” to stumble, denied ever getting drunk or using drugs, and then proceeded to sympathize with Antonella Barba’s slutty pics and rhapsodize about how fabulous Sundance Head was.

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Star has posted details of Paula Abdul’s upcoming interview with Extra defending herself against those who accuse her of a whole host of substance abuse issues.

According to Abdul, she couldn’t possibly be a big old lush or druggie since you never see pictures of her out partying.

Me? I’m thinking that it’s the drugs and the booze that KEEP her from going out. I think she has a big bathtub full of gin she hits with a straw every night when she gets home, followed by a few tabs of acid.

You cannot tell us that Paula Abdul is sober in this video. CANNOT.

 
Besides the overall craziness that those of us who watch American Idol have come to know and love, just listen to her slurring away. You’ll swear at times she just barely catches herself from falling out of her chair. Also note that she’s appearing on a MORNING program… the Seattle area school district closings are flashing away on the ticker. Even if you were to think she’s in New York for some reason, she’s still loaded before lunch. Classy, Paula. We’ll wait for the next celebrity tear-fest of the pain meds excuse to come out now.

Update: No sooner do we make note of the video than we find a story on Reuters that says she cancelled all interviews the following day after this video popped up on YouTube. She allegedly “never drinks” and was “exhausted.”