Celebitchy has a huge story on the latest installment of ABC’s tired old reality show The Bachelor. The story alleges that the current single guy is actually a big fake who is a womanizer and is probably going to write a tell-all about the reality show.

In his “final decision-making process” he brought on a friend he called “Gatsby” who was revealed to be an even bigger womanizer, and a video that’s since been pulled from Veoh.com showed a lot of scantily clad women and Gatsy, aka Mitch Thrower.

I SO hope that this is true. It might throw the whole trend of more and more reality-show programming into a tailspin. I’m sick of watching real people; if I wanted to watch a bunch of poseurs I could travel to one of the ritzier suburbs and sit in a Starbucks there. Let’s get the writers back to more jobs, some scripted shows with plots and actors and sets and ditch this tired old genre.

I SO hope this guy goes out on the talk show circuit after the final show, looks at the camera, and says “Gotcha ya gits!”

The actor kid who played the friend of the cheerleader in Heroes sort of went missing. Did anyone notice? Defamer did, and it turns out the character vanished because of the actor’s management; they didn’t realize the character was supposed to be gay, and they didn’t want to “ruin his chances” of other parts.

Yeah, because Rupert Everett never gets jobs.

At any rate, this kid is obviously pretty dumb with an even dumber manager, because Heroes is one of the hottest shows on TV, making household names out of a lot of folks. Since the kid is obviously a git, apparently homophobic, and will probably never be heard from again, I’m going to post a picture of Adrian Pasdar. I’ve had a thing for him since Profit, and since he’s married and doesn’t seem to do much that nets him gossip headlines, I never get to go picture hunting for him.

So take that little homophobic twit kid!

In one corner, you have the increasingly alien-cat-looking Joan Rivers and her equally scary horse-resembling daughter Melissa. In the other corner, you have the tanorexic, trout-pouted Lisa Rinna. The victor, according to the TV Guide Channel, is Rinna, who apparently caused the ouster of the Rivers women from their red carpet post.

Just as an aside, does anyone even WATCH the TV Guide Channel? I don’t even think we get it, and I wouldn’t know where to find it if we did.

At the end of this behind-the-scenes battle, Rinna is ecstatic, the Rivers bats are claiming that THEY didn’t renew their contract and “have a new deal to be announced soon” (with WHOM? What red carpet show is LEFT?) and TV Guide publicly claiming that they’ve decided on the proverbial “new direction” while insiders claim that Joan and Melissa were hell to work with.

Not that any of this matters, since I’m guessing most folks are watching Ryan Seacrest on E! anyway.

At any rate, Rinna will make her debut at the September Emmys. Which is the only way in hell she’d ever be featured there anyway.

The new Grey’s Anatomy spinoff has already had the “test” episode taped and ABC released a bunch of stills to get fans excited. I personally have never watched Grey’s Anatomy, seeking to perfect my streak of NEVER watching a popular sitcom and only watching things that get canceled (see also: Friends? Never seen an episode. Wonderfalls? Loved it.)

Honestly, the only thing that might get me to watch it is Taye Diggs. I love me some Taye Diggs and I was bummed when that show Day Break they gave him was canceled. I was going to use one of the stills on this post, but he has his shirt on in all the pictures, and it’s one of those stuff doctor-like button-down shirts. So you can always go see them at ICDYK. Me? I’m sticking with the open shirt look.

Case in point: this dog’s eyes are saying “Save me!”
Dear Pet Owners:

I’d like to take this opportunity to enlighten you on normal pet ownership. See, for most of us, there is this middle ground where you get a pet (ideally from your local shelter or rescue organization), take the pet home, and it becomes sort of a member of your family, but not so much a member of your family that you let it lick the plates. You feed the pet actual pet food, take it on regular visits to the vet, and it has a happy, normal life.

You celebs and pseudo-celebs seem to be a bit confused about what pets are. They are not, for example, accessories. They should not be purchased to match your outfit or the latest Louis Vuitton pet carrier. They are also not children, and ergo, do not need freaking NANNIES.

Case in point: TV producer Flody Suarez, whose last big hit was that show John Ritter was in before he died, apparently had a nanny for his dog, which E! Online refers to as a “personal dog trainer.” Whatever. You are too lazy to deal with your own dog and have hired help for that. At any rate, his dog, presumably spoiled with caviar on toast points, needed some extra training and “socializing with other dogs.” I am not kidding. Fido was LONELY. So, rather than take time out from his busy schedule of apparently not producing anything NEW we might have heard of, he sends Fido with the personal dog trainer down to whatever doggie daycare/really expensive kennel that Dog Whisperer dude runs.

While there, the dog was allegedly put on a treadmill wearing a choke collar until it collapsed.

Yes, I know. A dog on a treadmill. Bear with me.

Whatever happened, Fido was so traumatized that the dog required over $25,000 in vet bills and Suarez sued the Dog Whisperer. They have since settled out of court.

So I went off-topic there for a little bit, and now that I’m relatively back together again, my letter shall be rewritten as the following:

Dear People in Hollywood:

Please do not get pets. You can barely take care of yourselves, and almost invariably, your pet ownership causes me great psychic pain.

Sincerely,

Juicy Dirt

… that her publicist would like to take the time out to remind you how generous she is.

Perky little Rachel felt so strongly about the students in an Alabama high school who lost 8 of their classmates that she took time out of her busy schedule of appearing on my television 85 times a day just to annoy me and stiffing hard-working wait staff on their tips to ensure that the seniors at Enterprise High School got a prom. She even planned the menu (with lots of EVOO) and helped to cook the dinner herself, making one run from the fridge to the stove carrying 45 metric tons of food along with her.

Is there some reason why these celebs can’t just do something good without notifying every freaking press outlet within a 3000-light-year radius? I’m sure that the local press would have picked up the story, and sent it to the AP. I mean, we get how the wire service works pretty much. That’s how we know how to Digg stories and all. But to have not one, but TWO publicists make SURE that everyone knows that she helped out and Mandy Moore performed THREE WHOLE SONGS is a bit ridiculous. Did you really want to help those kids or get some good press for your talk show? And please god, tell me you tipped the fracking wait staff while you were down there, Ra-Ray.

What second-time-around tv star was recently spotted in L.A. by our sources looking a wee bit too friendly with his co-star right around the same time he and his long-time girlfriend announced the impending birth of child number two?

… to replace Bob Barker. 

TMZ has the scoop on a possible replacement for The Price Is Right host Bob Barker, and apparently, The Powers That Be feel that the American public would be more accepting of a replacement for the long-time host so long as the leathery skin looked the same. Their solution? The uber-tanned George Hamilton, who is allegedly the first choice for Barker’s replacement.

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I never had anything against Hayden. Until now! The jeans and boots are completely fine, but I can’t even uncross my eyes long enough to focus on what’s going on up top. I think it’s that starry middle part that’s particularly heinous. It’s stiff and shapeless–the worst combination ever. The wrap looks suspiciously like a highly necessary cover up for something even worse. No, no, no, Hayden. You might be young, but people remember fashion mistakes like this.

The David Letterman show has announced that Calvert DeForest, who played Larry “Bud” Melman on the late night show, has passed away after a long illness. DeForest was 85 years old.

DeForest made appearances on Letterman’s show for 20 years, and his black framed glasses and distinctive voice made him instantly recognizable.

His last appearance on Letterman was in 2002. According to information on Wikipedia, there will be no funeral.