Case in point: this dog’s eyes are saying “Save me!”
Dear Pet Owners:
I’d like to take this opportunity to enlighten you on normal pet ownership. See, for most of us, there is this middle ground where you get a pet (ideally from your local shelter or rescue organization), take the pet home, and it becomes sort of a member of your family, but not so much a member of your family that you let it lick the plates. You feed the pet actual pet food, take it on regular visits to the vet, and it has a happy, normal life.
You celebs and pseudo-celebs seem to be a bit confused about what pets are. They are not, for example, accessories. They should not be purchased to match your outfit or the latest Louis Vuitton pet carrier. They are also not children, and ergo, do not need freaking NANNIES.
Case in point: TV producer Flody Suarez, whose last big hit was that show John Ritter was in before he died, apparently had a nanny for his dog, which E! Online refers to as a “personal dog trainer.” Whatever. You are too lazy to deal with your own dog and have hired help for that. At any rate, his dog, presumably spoiled with caviar on toast points, needed some extra training and “socializing with other dogs.” I am not kidding. Fido was LONELY. So, rather than take time out from his busy schedule of apparently not producing anything NEW we might have heard of, he sends Fido with the personal dog trainer down to whatever doggie daycare/really expensive kennel that Dog Whisperer dude runs.
While there, the dog was allegedly put on a treadmill wearing a choke collar until it collapsed.
Yes, I know. A dog on a treadmill. Bear with me.
Whatever happened, Fido was so traumatized that the dog required over $25,000 in vet bills and Suarez sued the Dog Whisperer. They have since settled out of court.
So I went off-topic there for a little bit, and now that I’m relatively back together again, my letter shall be rewritten as the following:
Dear People in Hollywood:
Please do not get pets. You can barely take care of yourselves, and almost invariably, your pet ownership causes me great psychic pain.