You know, I sob hysterically when watching Sanjaya Malakar sing, too, but that’s mainly from the psychic pain involved in wondering why on earth Americans keep voting for him.

However, one little girl in the audience put even my loud “Why? Why?” wailing to shame, and Defamer points us to the LA Times, who discovered the identity of the blubbering wonder.

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Surprised? Check out who else was up for the award: divorcee-from-hell Heather Mills, TV racist Jane Goody, controversial Kate Moss, and plastic Victoria Beckham. Looks like some stiff competition, then. Oh–and nice pose.

Juicy Dirt, unlike Star Jones, is not a LOY-ah. That being said, however, I got quite the giggle today when I saw a piece on The Smoking Gun today detailing a lawsuit Carol Burnett is bringing against Fox for a depiction of, and commentary about, her.

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Sometimes I sit here and wonder if there is a defective gene that results in people becoming celebrities. If so, I think I might sponsor a telethon to find a cure.

Star has a report that the “celebrities” on Dancing with the Stars are upset that Cheryl Burke, two-time champion, was asked back for this season. Apparently, said “celebrities” (and please note that ANY posts about this show and the washed-up D-Listers who sign up for it will see that term in my patented air quotes) think she’s getting too much ATTENTION that should be given to the”celebrities” and they are jealous.

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Via ICDYK, there is a video of Tracy Morgan on a morning talk show in El Paso, where he is either batshit insane or chemically enhanced.

I have determined that he isn’t even acting on 30 Rock. He just comes as himself, bringing whatever substances keep him in the zone.

Check Out The Video

Richard Jeni, one of Hollywood’s most popular comedians, is dead, apparently committing suicide Saturday morning.

His girlfriend called police and reported that he had shot himself in the face. He was alive when medical crews arrived, but died at a hospital.

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… when cheating.

Anne Heche has apparently decided that the proper amount of time before going public with the costar you are cheating on your husband with has passed. According to the Enquirer (via Celebitchy), approximately one month ago, Heche and her Men In Trees costar James Tupper decided to join the mile-high club, spending 20 minutes together in the first class bathroom on their flight.

Wait, was that before or after Ralph Fiennes banged the Qantas stewardess? Maybe she WAS original! And what idiot would get involved with Anne Heche in the first place?

… and the word from the mount via I Don’t Like You In That Way is that if you are hot and show your boobies, you get to stay in the competition, even if you sound like a cat in heat when you sing.

If you are, say, a larger woman who can blow the rest of the competition out of the water and show your boobies? Well, then, you just aren’t Idol material.

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Apparently, those of you who know the channel number for the TV Guide Channel were not spared this monstrosity like those of us watching Ryan Seacrest flash his Calvins were.

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Oh, her friends, family, and fuckbuddies aren’t done yet!

Now there is a web site, http://www.antonellabarbapix.com/, that includes still more slutty pics of the Ameircan Idol wannabe.

Wet white shirt in a fountain with string bikini? You got it! Some sort of slutty maid get-up in a dorm room with a Swiffer? Yup.

I went with “slutty secretary” for the purposes of sharing the web site with you. Now if the folks who own it were a wee bit smarter, they’d be running some Google ads and raking in the dough right about now.