Happy Independence Day!!

by on Wednesday, July 4th, 2007.
Paris Hilton, DUI

4th of July

I’m going to join Paris Hilton in wishing everyone a Happy 4th of July while reminding you to use a designated driver if you are going to drink.

Am I the only person who thinks her publicist actually maintains her MySpace page? Way to work the “new” image Paris!

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Updates on the Chris Benoit Case

by on Tuesday, July 3rd, 2007.
Chris Benoit

Chris Benoit

Just when you think soem D-Lister can’t generate the kind of after-death headlines that Anna Nicole did, along comes Chris Benoit.

Tons of new stories seem to be cropping up by the minute:

  • Hulk Hogan claims Benoit’s wife was “into devil worship stuff.” (Dear Hulk: Take care of your own backyard, namely that trannylicious daughter. Love, JD)
  • The US Drug Enforcement Agency had Benoit on their radar before the killings after noticing that he was getting a prescription for a 10-month supply every 3 to 4 weeks.
  • The doctor who was prescribing said steroids is believed to be a friend of Benoit’s, and was indicted on seven counts of improperly dispensing drugs, although none of those counts is related to the Benoit case.
  • That same article claims that Benoit’s son was neither a dwarf nor had any condition such as Fragile X, as was previously claimed.
  • The person who updated the Benoit Wikipedia article with news of Benoit’s wife’s death before the bodies were found was questioned by police.

This story just gets more screwed up by the minute, and apart from Steve Austin’s ex-wife and Hulk Hogan flapping their lips, the WWE has been strangely silent as news keeps coming out.

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Haha. That Karma Is a BITCH!

by on Tuesday, July 3rd, 2007.
Relationships, Eddie Murphy

Eddie Murphy and Tracey Edmonds

Woo hoo hoo!

Bossip found a neat little tidbit from Janet Carlton that claims my least favorite comedian was actually dumped three weeks ago!

Yes, according to Carlton, Eddie Murphy was dumped by Tracey Edmonds THREE WEEKS ago, even before the DNA revealed that the pond scum Norbit star is the father of Scary Spice’s baby.

Apparently, Edmonds found Murphy “too controlling” and mover her stuff out of his place. Heh. I guess what goes around comes around, eh?

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Scrub Your Eyeballs with Bleach

by on Tuesday, July 3rd, 2007.
Drew Barrymore, Zach Braff

Drew Barrymore with Zach Braff. Eyew.

Seriously. I know that people always SAY they threw up a little in their motuths, but I really did.

Rumor has it that Zach Braff has alienated all the co-eds in the Tri-State area and moved on to bigger and better fish. Or, eat least, more famous.

His latest macking victim? None other than Drew Barrymore, a girl whose taste in men is so notoriously bad that SHE MARRIED TOM GREENE.

Seriously. After that, I guess you might view Zach Braff as an improvement, but I can only think that her ovaries feel like a ticking time bomb and she feels like she HAS to land a man. Even a gross one.

Yick. And to think I LIKED Garden State.

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The UK Just Has a Better Breed of Loser

by on Tuesday, July 3rd, 2007.
Drugs, Pete Doherty, Court

Pete Doherty Late to Court

Pete Doherty never fails to disappoint. While we may have a bargain-basement version of a judge annoyance in Paris Hilton, Pete has made a career out of annoying judges, ignoring terms of probation, and just about anything else he thought he could get away with.

In today’s UK courtroom festivities, good old Pete didn’t disappoint. He showed up so late for his hearing that the judge called his lawyer into court TWICE to explain why his client wasn’t showing up, and finally issued a warrant for his arrest without bail right before Pete wandered in.

My guess is that he wanted to alter his state a little bit before having to face the big scary judge. He evidently decided at that point he was best off just pleading guilty, which he did… guilty of possession of crack, heroin, pot, and ketamine, as well as driving while being Pete Doherty under the influence.

The judge pointed out that him driving a car is pretty much the same as letting a crazy person with a rocket launcher out on the streets, but deferred sentencing until August providing Doherty enter a treatment program by July 16.

Judge? We’ve seen this before. Send his sorry ass to jail. He is NEVER going to clean up. Sheesh. Even Robert Downey, Jr. managed to get straight. There is NO hope for this guy.

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Nevermind the Question About Pete Doherty…

by on Tuesday, July 3rd, 2007.
Paris Hilton, Pete Doherty, Reality, Jack Osbourne

Valtrex

… I have my answer now.

I’d forgotten a news item I’d seen over the weekend, which explains the WHOLE thing.

It turns out that the producers of the “hit” (and I use that term lightly because, really, is anyone still watching?) show The Bachelor had to axe a bunch of potential hotties for the next season because they tested positive for herpes and other STDs.

Apparently all the hot people are now having the herpes, forcing them to have sex only with other, similarly infected hotties or, possibly, utter skeevos like Pete Doherty.

I’m also going to apply this theory to Paris Hilton banging the Fat Jack Osbourne.

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Again with the Dirty, Skanky Men

by on Monday, July 2nd, 2007.
Kate Moss, Pete Doherty

Kate and Pete Dunzo?

First I had to deal with vomit-in-mouth syndrome with the whole Criss Angel business and now Pete Doherty cheats on Kate Moss? Is he SERIOUS? First off, he should thank his lucky stars that he can even GET a model, much less have one close to marrying him.

Even more importantly, however, how utterly whoreific do you have to be to fuck Pete Doherty? I mean, I give Kate a slight pass that he was once actually a musician or something, but my GOD, the whole world knows he’s an unwashed drug addict. What kind of beer goggles do you need to have to go home with THAT? Whoever that girl is? Or the other girls he was photographed with? Girlfriends, you need professional help. Because that is NASTY.

Kate is allegedly broken up about the whole thing (again… nothing a good shrink and some electroshock couldn’t help with) but she is apparently having a SERIOUSLY bad week, what with Agent Provacateur firing her and all.

She needs to get her shit together. Fast.

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Everyone’s Quick to Blame the Alien

by on Monday, July 2nd, 2007.
General

alien autopsy

For all those out there who are skeptical of the ass probe theory, youy may be eating some crow. In the latest development in the decades-old Roswell conspiracy theory, the man who issued all the press releases at the time, Lt. Walter Haut, died back in 2005, and left an affidavit to be read after his death in which he claims the alien crash was real.

The affidavit claims that the whole weather-balloon story was a fake, that a UFO crashed, was recovered, and was stored in a hangar. In addition to actually seeing the alleged spaceship, Haut says he saw alien bodies.

No word on why it took a year and a half after his death for the text of the affidavit to be released, but this should have anal probe stories in the tabs for weeks.

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R.I.P. Beverly Sills

by on Monday, July 2nd, 2007.
R.I.P.

Beverly Sills

I’m giving up this week that my iTunes library contains more than the latest alt and pop releases, but dang, there are some great people dying for some reason!

American opera legend Beverly Sills passed away tonight at 9 PM at the age of 78, due to inoperable lung cancer. She was one of the most popular opera stars ever here in the States, appearing on tons of different variety shows including appearances on The Tonight Show with Johnny Carson and The Muppet Show.

She is survived by her two children and two step-children.

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John Stamos Now Knows His Own Name

by on Monday, July 2nd, 2007.
John Stamos

This is not John Stamos, NOT David Hasselhoff

After a completely bizarro series of interviews in Australia where John Stamos was supposed to be promoting ER but instead, slurred his way through, read off the teleprompter, and made lewd gestures to one of the interviewers (a female), he was sent home by ER honchos and took a few days to come down off whatever bad trip he was on to make the following statement:

“I was not drinking. I did not drink either morning. I do not have an alcohol problem. I am not David Hasselhoff. This is not a pattern.”

Considering that it took him almost a week to remember that he ISN’T The Hoff, that probably isn’t a very good sign.

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